"Handwriting" Exercise

Zach was in pre-school the other day and the teacher went around handing out sheets of lined paper.  She told the whole class, "Class, now we are going to do some handwriting exercises".

Zach takes his pencil with his right hand and then puts his left hand on the paper and starts to trace his hand.  The teacher asked him what he was doing and he responded, "Handwriting".

I am sorry for...

Mommy, Daddy and Zach were at lunch the other day and Zach tried to steal a chip off of Daddy's plate.  Daddy blocked the attempt and Zach was upset.

Daddy:  You cannot just take others food without asking.

Zach: I DON'T WANT TO EAT ANYTHING!  I AM NOT HUNGRY!

Daddy: -

Zach: YOU DID NOT LET ME FINISH MY THOUGHT!

Daddy:  You can have a chip if you apologize for this outburst and ask nicely.

Zach: (more mumbling)  I am sorry.

Daddy: What for?

Zach: NOTHING! 

Daddy: Well that is not going to get you any chips.

Zach: YOUR TALKING MAKES ME TIRED! (5 mins of more nonsense).   I am sorry for being disrespectful.  Can I please have a chip?

How many children

Bubby: How many children do you want to have?

Tessa: Four.

Zach:Four or six.

Daddy: What about five?

Zach: Not five.

Bubby: I guess that he only wants an even number of kids.

Day in the Life of a Kindergartner: Tessa

Mommy wakes Tessa up for school.

Tessa stares at her closet for 30 minutes pondering the perfect clothing ensemble.  

Mommy comes in room and forces Tessa to choose an outfit. 

Tessa must, must, must have her hair done with a straightening iron and preferably several cute barrettes.

Tessa dictates her breakfast, lunch, and snack to Mommy. Each meal must only consist of healthy food, no milk, and lots of water because "that is what your body is made of all the way up to your chin." Should Mommy fail to comply with said rules, she will be severely reprimanded later.

Tessa is lucky if she arrives at the bus on time.

Tessa returns from school and asks to play with Kayla.  Hurricane Kayla and Tornado Tessa destroy at least two rooms in the house.  Mommy tells Tessa and Kayla to start cleaning up.  They start cleaning up.  Mommy returns later to find Tropical Storms have hit the same rooms. There is no possible way to clean the mess before Kayla leaves.

Mommy or Daddy again tells Tessa to clean her room after Kayla leaves. One or many of the following excuses come out of her mouth:

"ZACH MADE THIS MESS!"

"KAYLA MADE THIS MESS!"

"I CANNOT CLEAN THIS UP BY MYSELF!"

"YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO!"

"YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME TO CLEAN UP ANYTHING BY MYSELF!"

"THIS IS GOING TO TAKE 8 HOURS!"

"I NEED TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, BUT YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING!"

"I CAN'T GET TO THE TOYS IN THE CORNER BECAUSE IT IS TOO MESSY!"

Or Daddy's favorite: "THERE IS TOO MUCH STUFF TO CLEAN UP!"  

All excuses receive the following response: "Then we will have to donate it to someone who can clean it up."

For more information, see "tantrum" blog post.

Bedtime is only possible by making a path to the bed between the toys that she has been "working on" cleaning up for the past 3 hours.

Have an Idea

Tessa: Mommy, I know what I can do to help me stop sucking my thumb.

Mommy: What is that?

Tessa: I can wear gloves all the time.

Mommy: How about just when you are watching TV or sleeping?

Tessa: And when I have quiet time.  I worry about sleeping during nap time.

Mommy: What do you worry about?

Tessa: Snoring. I don't want to snore and wake up the others.

Daddy: You don't snore.  I know because I've listened.

Tessa: Sometimes I do at Grandma's house.  Like this ( makes snoring sounds).  I am breathe-snoring...(more snoring sounds)

Tessa:  That's annoying, isn't it?

Daddy: Yes, yes it is. 

Those Gluten Free Lips

Mommy has Celiac disease and subsequently has to eat a gluten free diet gluten free.

Mommy:  I need a kiss from Zach.

Zach: Don't kiss me with those gluten free lips!

Someone Who Cares

Zach was pouting and being grouchy outside of "The Land" area of Epcot in Disney. He was mad that we asked him to give his sister a hug in a picture.

He plopped his butt down in the garden area.

Zach: I want to go back to the hotel!

Daddy: If you cry, we're going to drop you off in "Find Someone Who Cares Land."

Cruising along in my automobile

Setting:  Sitting at a light on RT 50 with the windows rolled down in September.  Daddy driving the Camry and Tessa and Zach sitting in their car seats in the back.

Zach: HEY BABY I LOVE YOU!!!

Daddy looks around and everyone has their windows rolled up and there is no-one that constitutes "baby" anywhere to be seen.

Zach: (giggle) I just said "Hey baby I love you" out the window (giggle)

Tantrums

Tessa throws these incredibly melodramatic tantrums every once and a while and there is often little that you can do but keep her in her room.  She gets really mad and says some really strange stuff.  This recent episode was really kinda funny.

Tessa:  YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DADDY.  YOU ARE NOT MY REAL PARENTS.  WHEN MY REAL PARENTS GET HERE YOU WILL KNOW.

Daddy: You know you don't want to go around saying things like that.  People might try and take you away from us and they will be a lot meaner than we ever were.

Tessa:  NOT TRUE.  YOU ARE NOT MY PARENTS.....

Daddy:(rolls eyes and walks away)

20 mins pass
Tessa:  Daddy,  I need you to come up here and listen to what I am saying

Daddy: You just told me that I am not your Daddy

Tessa: I was yelling and angry.  You KNOW that none of that was real.

Daddy: You still need to clean your room...

Sean and Betsy's Rehearsal Dinner Speeches

Tessa was the flower-girl for Sean and Betsy's wedding in 2010.  We were at the rehearsal dinner and Betsy came by and gave Tessa a gift for being in the wedding (Complete collection of Winnie the Pooh if you are interested).  We continued to eat dinner and continued on our way.  After everyone concluded eating the speeches began.  After the standard people had their say the mic was opened to the audience.  Tessa and Zach immediately raised their hand to speak.

First Zach--Actually let me first explain Zach's obsession with sun glasses at the time of this "speech".  Zach became obsessed with wearing glasses constantly and proclaimed "I need them to see".  He would only take them off when it was bed time and when he was required to at school.  In fact at preschool picture day we had him remove the glasses and the teachers swore it was a miracle.--
Zach takes the mic and leans his head down so that he can see over his glasses then says "hello".  He then proceeds to flex his arm muscles for everyone to see and says "Errr!"

He then gives Tessa the mic.  She gets real dramatic and says "Sean and Betsy I love you guys.  Thank you for letting me be your flower girl...and thank you for getting me the gift that I always wanted.  (laughter ensues)...  I love it when people get me the gifts that I always wanted. "

Thanksgiving 2010

After Thanksgiving dinner, the parents, grandparents and kids were gathered around the table telling stories.  Tessa decided that she needed to chime in with a story of her own.

Tessa: Mommy and Daddy are really loud at night.  They keep me awake.  I hear them some time when I am supposed to be sleeping.

(Awkward silence, and many insinuating glaces toward parents)

Daddy takes the bait: O really?

Tessa: Yeah, you guys laugh so loud I can hear you in the other room (giggling because she thinks she is funny)

(Sighs of relief from all but mostly parents relieved that they do not have to keep the noise down)

Dinner in Orlando

Zach: My friend Daniel said that boys can marry other boys

Daddy: In some states they can

Zach: I think that I will marry Daniel

Daddy: Perhaps it would be a better idea to stick with girls for now