Got to love teenagers

Times have been interesting.

Jenn and I have been focusing on our books while the kids have been bored.

We did manage to put some puzzles together, but we did manage to make it to WICKED right before this all went down.

A great time was had by all.

Check out our book series...

https://ssbks.com/LR1

Smores date

We got a fire pit from my parents last weekend And Zach wanting to have s'mores . Daddy said let's do it on Saturday there's nothing on the calendar.  When daddy got home the next day he saw this on the calander.

Eyes bigger than your stomach

Zach and Dad were about to eat dinner and Zach put his reading glasses on.

ZACH: I'm putting my reading glasses because my eyes hurt.  The only problem is that if I wear glasses it can make my eyes bigger than my stomach!

Zach's Favorite Places

My Favorite Places,

Name Zach Ko

My Room

The Pole

Chuck e Cheese

Italy where I can see Mario

TESSA Random Dad Card

TESSA Father's day 2012

TESSA Father's day 2013

FROM ZACH to TESSA with LOVE

TESSA: Daddy Birthday 2013

This one came with a dollar bill.  Tessa said she did not know what to get Daddy so she gave him a dollar.

ZACH: Happy B-day 2012

Names

ZACH: I would name my kid Minion Marvelous
TESSA: I would name my kid Kevin "whatever my lastname is"
ZACH: I think that Minion has a better ringtone
TESSA: I think that Kevin Banocy has a good ringtone

Hammy

ZACH: I think I pulled a Hammy
DADDY: What? Do you know what that means?
ZACH: What is a Hammy, Do I even have one?

Chicken nuggets

Tessa : what are chicken nuggets made of? How are they made?

Daddy: Take chicken and cut it up, bread it they bake or fry.

Tessa:  What was the first part again?

Daddy: Cut up chicken?

Tessa:  So there is no steak or duck?

Daddy: What? No.

Tessa shows Daddy a McDonalds thing that says "Stack 'em dunk 'em"
Tessa: it says Steaking and Ducking.

Daddy: That says,  "Stack 'em dunk 'em".

Sore looser

DeeDee: Zach, are you getting better at loosing games?
Zach: yeah
Mommy: What would you say to Tessa if she won?
Zach: It's okay, I'll win next time.

Stinkydoodles

Zach and Tessa were making cookies with DeeDee.  They were spending more time licking their fingers than making snickerdoodles.

Daddy: "Stop licking your fingers and make the cookie"

Zachy: "I love STINKY DOODLES, they taste so good!"

Bold president

Zach: I hope you voted for Obama.
Daddy: I voted for myself.
Zach: can you do that?
Daddy: yes you can write in a vote. But I am not old enough to be elected. But maybe I voted for Pop Top.
Zach: he would be a bold president.
Daddy: I guess he would be Bold
Zach: yeah he has no hair...
Daddy: you mean Bald not Bold

Obama

Zach: Mom, who are you going to vote for?
Mommy: it's a secret
Zach: I think that you should vote for Obama.
Mommy: do you like his plan for the economy?
Zach: no, I like that he plays basketball and likes dogs.
Mommy: sounds like a good reason to me.

Birthday card

Zach was talking to grandma on the phone with Tessa in the car.

Zach: Tessa wants you to take her to Toys-R-us to get me a gift fo my birthday.

Tessa: I am getting you a card not a gift.

Zach: Oh she wants to get me a gift card.

Tessa: I said a card.

Skinny jeans

Daddy went bike riding with his friends and then went to pick up the kids at the grandparents.

Zach: Why are you wearing skinny jeans?

Daddy: These are called bike shorts.

Most Disgusting thing ever

Tessa and Zach were across the street playing with the neighbors for 20 Mins.  Zach comes in this ensues:

Daddy: Why are you back so soon?

Zach: (out of breath) ...I just saw the most disgusting thing ever...mmmm...I don't even want to talk about it.  Don't even ask me about it.

Daddy: (Turns off TV)

Mommy: Tell us about it.

Zach:  They were watching a video of two naked people "doing it".  It was disgusting.  Then I went in their house and they were watching scary Clown movies on the iPad.

Daddy went over and checked out the Clown and found that they were harmless.  He could not find anything on the couple "Doing it".  Long discussions with children ensued...

10 minutes after Zach went to bed he got out of his room and said: Daddy I cannot sleep--everytime I close my eyes I see that disgusting stuff 

Just try and think of something else.

Fancy word

"I'm Sexy and I know it" came on the radio.  Daddy started telling everyone that some kindergarden kid got suspended from school for singing that song even though it is on the M&M comercial.   Zach started singing the song.

Mommy: Zach you don't want to sing that in school.

Zach: Sexy is just a fancy word for really cool...I'm really cool and I know it.

Motivated swimmers

Daddy and Mommy decided to give the kids a little motivation for getting better times out of there very unmotivated childern.

Daddy: Kids, Mommy and Daddy have decided to pay you for improving you times in swim team.  We will pay you a dollar for every second that you shave off of your time.


A couple days later...
Tessa: Daddy, you are going to have to stay at work a lot longer.


Daddy: Why is that?

Tessa:  You have to make more money because you are going to be broke after you are done paying me for my times.


Daddy:  I am glad to hear you are motivated.

We were on the way back from Grandma and Grandpa's house and Zach was pouting and saying "nobody is nice to me".  So Mommy statred making fun of him and we were all laughing at him.

Tessa:  I want you to laugh at me

Daddy: We are making fun of him not laughing because he is funny

Tessa:  Why wont you make fun of me?

Test

Mommy: Zach, you get to take a test next week at Sylvan.

Zach: YEAH, I am so lucky.  I LOVE tests.  WooHoo...  Mommy, what is a test?

Apple a Day

Grandpa: Do you know what an apple a day does?

Zach: An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.

Grandpa: What about two apples

Zach: Two apples a day keeps the DENTIST away.

Cloud

Daddy was visiting PopTop in Richmond and saying that he was working on "Clouds"

Daddy: I am working on the "infamous cloud".  Making clouds work....whatever that really means.


Zach: Isn't that something that you do in second grade, make clouds?

Brownies

Tessa: Next week I am going to be a Brownie.
Zach: I want a brownie
Mommy: Tessa is going to be a Brownie scout not a food
Zach: Then can I buy brownies from Tessa?

Tax

Zach and Grandpa were driving together on the way to some bagels.

Zach: Grandpa, you do TAXES for an occupation, right?

Grandpa: Yes

Zach: Does that mean that you drive a TAXI?

Loose my Yelling voice

Tessa was throwing another big tantrum before school.  Daddy was in the basement and Mommy was in Tessa's room.  She was in the room holding the door.

TESSA: GET OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE I KICK YOU.


MOMMY: You need to calm down first


TESSA: IF YOU DONT LEAVE, I'M GOING TO LOOSE MY YELLING VOICE.  IF THAT HAPPENS I CAN'T YELL AT YOU TO LEAVE MY ROOM ANY MORE.  THEN I CAN"T TALK TO YOU THE REST OF THE DAY.

Party like a Rock Star

We FINALLY figured out what is up with Zach's newest wardrobe obsession:

Zach: I want a real guitar with a strap and a plug and I want to dress like a rock star.

Mommy: How does a rock star dress?

Zach: They wear a t-shirt with a dress shirt over it with a tie [this is currently what he wears to school].

Mommy: What makes you think a rock star dresses that way?

Zach: Well, that's how Alvin the Chipmunk dresses.

PJ School Day

This is one of the not so funny stories that is best saved for embarrassment in the future.

One morning when Daddy was in Australia, Mommy was getting the kids ready for school.  The clothes Tessa picked out could not be worn because of the bad weather, and she refused all other suggested outfits.

Tessa: I don't know what to wear. I don't want to wear anything in this closet.

Mommy: You'd better pick out something. I don't want to have to send you to school in your pajamas.

Tessa: You would not do that!

Mommy: Oh yes I would.

An hour later, Tessa was still laying on the floor in front of her closet in her pajamas.

Tessa: I'm not putting on any clothes and I'm not going to school today!!!

Mommy: We'll see about that.

Mommy picked her up and carried her out to the car in her pajamas and drove her to school. When they got to the school, Mommy asked to have the school counselor speak with Tessa about the importance of attending school. The counselor was not available, so the "Acting" Vice-Principal came and had a little chat with Tessa. She spent the rest of the day at school in her pajamas.

Zach was watching the entire scene very, very quietly. He said only one thing on the entire ride to his school.

Zach: Mommy, I will never, ever do what Tessa did.

After school, Mommy and Tessa had a discussion.

Mommy: So, how did it feel to have to talk to the Vice-Principal and go to school in your pajamas?

Tessa: Fine.

Mommy: That wasn't embarrassing to have to talk to the Vice-Principal?

Tessa: No, because he is really just my Math teacher.

Pedicure

Tess and Zach were watching tv when a comercial came on where a character (who was a dog) said that "I am going to need a pedicure after this".

Zach: What is a pedicure?


Tessa: It is when a bunch of animals go to the bathroom at the same time.

Zach and Poptop

This is not really a funny story but some really funny art that he did.

I would like to point out a few things in this picture.

1. Poptop's hair is very accurate
2. Zach's hair is spiked.  Mommy likes to call him "Shark Boy" in this picture.  He just wants to be like Thanh.
3. The Mickey mouse like shapes on the ground are presents in gift bags
4. The house is Poptop's
5. It is Christmas there (DeeDee and Poptop are visited by the family on Christmas
6. Zach has Lightning McQueen on his shirt.

Note from Teacher

Tessa came home from school one day and said, "I have a note from the teacher, Here it is."  She handed Mommy this note:

Mommy: Are you sure the is from your teacher?

Tessa: Oh yes, she wants you to give me crayons.

GPS

Mommy was picking Zach up from School on day when a little girl came up to her.

Little Girl: Zach's Mommy, can Zach come over to my house this weekend?

Mommy:  Well he can't this weekend but some day he can.

Little Girl:  You will have to know how to get to my house.

Zach:  Don't worry we have a GPS, it knows how to get there.

What you need to drive

We were in Florida for a wedding driving between Disney and the Hotel and Zach says...

Zach:  I know what the most important first thing you need to drive is.  Do you?

Daddy: A Drivers License?

Zach: No

Mommy: Keys?

Zach: No

Daddy: I know... driving gloves?

Zach: No

Mommy: A car?

Zach: No

Daddy: What then?

Zach: A GPS so you know where you are going!

Beef: Its whats for ...

Daddy and Zach were on their way home from the gym in the car and Zach was talking about dinner.

Zach: I want Beef for dinner.

Daddy: So you want some good cow?

Zach: Yes.  Milk comes from a cow, right?

Daddy: Yes it does.

Zach: Does that mean that beef is poop?

Daddy: No

Zach: Then beef is the cow itself?

Daddy: Yes

Zach: Is milk pee?

Daddy: Ha Ha ...no, it is from the mamary glands of the mommy cow for the baby calfs.

Zach: Oh.

It was a lot

The family was having a family dinner and both Tessa and Zach went to the bathroom.  When Tessa returned she had something to report.

Tessa: Who was the last person in the bathroom? The last person that was in the bathroom did not flush.

Zach raises his hand.

Tessa: ...And there was a lot of...of--

Daddy: Why does it matter how much there was?

Lonely Child

Mommy: You two are very lucky to have each other.  You alway have someone to play with and are never alone.  Some people are not so lucky.

Tessa: Yeah, they have a name for it.  They call them a "Lonely Child".

Mommy: Honey, it is "Only Child" not "Lonely Child".

Cousins and flip flops

Zach: How old is Aunt Melissa?

Daddy: 27

Tessa: She should be married by now.

Mommy: DeeDee thinks she should be have kids by now.

Zach: Yeah I want lots of cousins...and fip flops.

Everything I do

On the way back from the grandparents' house the family was in the van listening to a mixed CD.  They heard "Everything I do, I do it for you" by Brian Adams and everyone sang along.  Later that night, when Daddy was putting Zach to bed, Zach posed a question.

Zach:  Why does he do everything for this girl or boy?

Daddy: Because he loves her?

Zach:  What did she ever do for him?

Daddy:  I don't know, you will have to ask Mommy.

Stew

Zach was playing around the house and passed some gas.  He immediately tried to blame someone else.

Daddy:  You need to give credit where credit is due?

Zach:  What is credit stew? It sounds good.

Happy Nappers

The family was on a cruise and the only toy that Tessa wanted to bring was the happy napper dog that she got for her birthday.  So daddy started singing the song.

Daddy: They are happy, happy nappers, they'll make all you dreams come true--hey, now that you have one, did ALL of your dreams come true?


Tessa:  Only the favorite ones!


Daddy: Which ones are those?

Tessa: To get happy nappers.


Daddy: How convenient.

Romantic

Zach was playing with some Cars Movie matchbox cars.  He was racing Holly Shiftwell, Lightning McQueen, and Mater across the kitchen floor and Holly and Mater tied for first place.

Zach (from across the room): What happened?

He walks over to inspect and notices that they are stuck together.

Zach:  Ohhhhh, they were stuck together, that is why.  How ROMANTIC!

Solider of the Water.

Tessa: When I grow up I want to be a solider that protects the water.

Daddy: Are you saying that you want to be in the Navy?

Tessa: Yeah, my teacher talked to us about it.

It snores

The whole family was on the way to visit the local grandparents house and Tessa and Zach started singing the Happy Nappers song.  Click here if you have no idea what a Happy Napper is.

Tessa: They are Happy. Happy Nappers, and they'll make all your dreams come true. We need to get one of those.

Daddy: You already have a pillow pet.  

Tessa: They are all available now.  That is what they said on the commercial.


Daddy: You still already have a pillow pet.  It is basically the same thing.  It turns from a pillow to a pet and back.  The Happy Nappers turn from a pillow to a pet, but the pillow is shaped like a barn.

Tessa: Daddy, don't be silly, it does more than that.  When you push the button it snores.

Mommy (rolling her eyes): Yeah daddy, that changes everything. 


Daddy: That does not mean that you are getting one.


Tessa: Dede said that she is going to buy us one but they did not have them at the store.

Mommy:  I thought that you said that they were all available now.

Fiddle in the Band

Mommy and Zach were in the car listening to some music when a country song came on that has the lyrics, "if you want to play in Texas, you got to have a fiddle in the band".

Zach:  Mommy, that song is not true.  I played in Texas and I did not have a fiddle in my band.

Mommy: In this case, a band is a group that plays music, not a band like on your clothes.

Donuts?

Daddy was reading Zach the Donut post from last week.

Zach:  That is crazy.  Who would eat a donut that was on the wall?

Daddy: Zach, you said that last week!

More feeling sorry

Daddy was going out of town for business and the Grandparents were in Florida. Mommy was taking care of the kids by herself for three days.

Tessa:   I feel really sorry for you.  You don't know how to take care of with us without daddy, grandma or grandpa.


Mommy:  Sweetie, Grandma and Grandpa didn't always live here. Believe it or not, I took care of both of you all by myself a lot when Daddy went on trips.


Zach: But we were babies then.

Bagels

There is somewhat of a family tradition that on the weekends Grandpa takes that kids to get bagels or brings bagels back from Einsteins for the kids to eat.  This weekend the grandparents and the parents were doing a garage sale at the grandparents house and Grandpa brought back some bagels for the kid's breakfast.

Grandpa: Zach, I brought back bagels.  What kind do you want:  pumpernickel or an everything bagel?


Zach:  PUNKernickle, of course!