Sore looser

DeeDee: Zach, are you getting better at loosing games?
Zach: yeah
Mommy: What would you say to Tessa if she won?
Zach: It's okay, I'll win next time.

Stinkydoodles

Zach and Tessa were making cookies with DeeDee.  They were spending more time licking their fingers than making snickerdoodles.

Daddy: "Stop licking your fingers and make the cookie"

Zachy: "I love STINKY DOODLES, they taste so good!"

Bold president

Zach: I hope you voted for Obama.
Daddy: I voted for myself.
Zach: can you do that?
Daddy: yes you can write in a vote. But I am not old enough to be elected. But maybe I voted for Pop Top.
Zach: he would be a bold president.
Daddy: I guess he would be Bold
Zach: yeah he has no hair...
Daddy: you mean Bald not Bold

Obama

Zach: Mom, who are you going to vote for?
Mommy: it's a secret
Zach: I think that you should vote for Obama.
Mommy: do you like his plan for the economy?
Zach: no, I like that he plays basketball and likes dogs.
Mommy: sounds like a good reason to me.

Birthday card

Zach was talking to grandma on the phone with Tessa in the car.

Zach: Tessa wants you to take her to Toys-R-us to get me a gift fo my birthday.

Tessa: I am getting you a card not a gift.

Zach: Oh she wants to get me a gift card.

Tessa: I said a card.

Skinny jeans

Daddy went bike riding with his friends and then went to pick up the kids at the grandparents.

Zach: Why are you wearing skinny jeans?

Daddy: These are called bike shorts.

Most Disgusting thing ever

Tessa and Zach were across the street playing with the neighbors for 20 Mins.  Zach comes in this ensues:

Daddy: Why are you back so soon?

Zach: (out of breath) ...I just saw the most disgusting thing ever...mmmm...I don't even want to talk about it.  Don't even ask me about it.

Daddy: (Turns off TV)

Mommy: Tell us about it.

Zach:  They were watching a video of two naked people "doing it".  It was disgusting.  Then I went in their house and they were watching scary Clown movies on the iPad.

Daddy went over and checked out the Clown and found that they were harmless.  He could not find anything on the couple "Doing it".  Long discussions with children ensued...

10 minutes after Zach went to bed he got out of his room and said: Daddy I cannot sleep--everytime I close my eyes I see that disgusting stuff 

Just try and think of something else.

Fancy word

"I'm Sexy and I know it" came on the radio.  Daddy started telling everyone that some kindergarden kid got suspended from school for singing that song even though it is on the M&M comercial.   Zach started singing the song.

Mommy: Zach you don't want to sing that in school.

Zach: Sexy is just a fancy word for really cool...I'm really cool and I know it.

Motivated swimmers

Daddy and Mommy decided to give the kids a little motivation for getting better times out of there very unmotivated childern.

Daddy: Kids, Mommy and Daddy have decided to pay you for improving you times in swim team.  We will pay you a dollar for every second that you shave off of your time.


A couple days later...
Tessa: Daddy, you are going to have to stay at work a lot longer.


Daddy: Why is that?

Tessa:  You have to make more money because you are going to be broke after you are done paying me for my times.


Daddy:  I am glad to hear you are motivated.

We were on the way back from Grandma and Grandpa's house and Zach was pouting and saying "nobody is nice to me".  So Mommy statred making fun of him and we were all laughing at him.

Tessa:  I want you to laugh at me

Daddy: We are making fun of him not laughing because he is funny

Tessa:  Why wont you make fun of me?

Test

Mommy: Zach, you get to take a test next week at Sylvan.

Zach: YEAH, I am so lucky.  I LOVE tests.  WooHoo...  Mommy, what is a test?

Apple a Day

Grandpa: Do you know what an apple a day does?

Zach: An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.

Grandpa: What about two apples

Zach: Two apples a day keeps the DENTIST away.

Cloud

Daddy was visiting PopTop in Richmond and saying that he was working on "Clouds"

Daddy: I am working on the "infamous cloud".  Making clouds work....whatever that really means.


Zach: Isn't that something that you do in second grade, make clouds?

Brownies

Tessa: Next week I am going to be a Brownie.
Zach: I want a brownie
Mommy: Tessa is going to be a Brownie scout not a food
Zach: Then can I buy brownies from Tessa?

Tax

Zach and Grandpa were driving together on the way to some bagels.

Zach: Grandpa, you do TAXES for an occupation, right?

Grandpa: Yes

Zach: Does that mean that you drive a TAXI?

Loose my Yelling voice

Tessa was throwing another big tantrum before school.  Daddy was in the basement and Mommy was in Tessa's room.  She was in the room holding the door.

TESSA: GET OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE I KICK YOU.


MOMMY: You need to calm down first


TESSA: IF YOU DONT LEAVE, I'M GOING TO LOOSE MY YELLING VOICE.  IF THAT HAPPENS I CAN'T YELL AT YOU TO LEAVE MY ROOM ANY MORE.  THEN I CAN"T TALK TO YOU THE REST OF THE DAY.

Party like a Rock Star

We FINALLY figured out what is up with Zach's newest wardrobe obsession:

Zach: I want a real guitar with a strap and a plug and I want to dress like a rock star.

Mommy: How does a rock star dress?

Zach: They wear a t-shirt with a dress shirt over it with a tie [this is currently what he wears to school].

Mommy: What makes you think a rock star dresses that way?

Zach: Well, that's how Alvin the Chipmunk dresses.

PJ School Day

This is one of the not so funny stories that is best saved for embarrassment in the future.

One morning when Daddy was in Australia, Mommy was getting the kids ready for school.  The clothes Tessa picked out could not be worn because of the bad weather, and she refused all other suggested outfits.

Tessa: I don't know what to wear. I don't want to wear anything in this closet.

Mommy: You'd better pick out something. I don't want to have to send you to school in your pajamas.

Tessa: You would not do that!

Mommy: Oh yes I would.

An hour later, Tessa was still laying on the floor in front of her closet in her pajamas.

Tessa: I'm not putting on any clothes and I'm not going to school today!!!

Mommy: We'll see about that.

Mommy picked her up and carried her out to the car in her pajamas and drove her to school. When they got to the school, Mommy asked to have the school counselor speak with Tessa about the importance of attending school. The counselor was not available, so the "Acting" Vice-Principal came and had a little chat with Tessa. She spent the rest of the day at school in her pajamas.

Zach was watching the entire scene very, very quietly. He said only one thing on the entire ride to his school.

Zach: Mommy, I will never, ever do what Tessa did.

After school, Mommy and Tessa had a discussion.

Mommy: So, how did it feel to have to talk to the Vice-Principal and go to school in your pajamas?

Tessa: Fine.

Mommy: That wasn't embarrassing to have to talk to the Vice-Principal?

Tessa: No, because he is really just my Math teacher.

Pedicure

Tess and Zach were watching tv when a comercial came on where a character (who was a dog) said that "I am going to need a pedicure after this".

Zach: What is a pedicure?


Tessa: It is when a bunch of animals go to the bathroom at the same time.